A Quick Overview
(newly updated - July 2001)

NOTE: Drugs can be fun, but if you base your life around this stuff you becoming a depressing person to be around. If done as an occasional way to have fun, drugs aren't a problem. If and when you start to need the stuff (really need it) - then you are officially fucked up - it's time to stop.

Drugs are a way to feel something new and unique by taking a pill or using some other means of getting chemicals into your body. Your body is a chemistry set - a much more advanced one than we should be allowed to have. We have some basic warnings. Once you start screwing with the chemistry of your mind you may cause other problems (especially if you are already psychologically unbalanced). If you don't do drugs and can manage to enjoy life without them -consider yourself lucky. For the rest of us, this guide may help to avoid utterly wiping out your life, your mind and your bank account!


1. Know what you are taking. Drug Dealers are not Church Pastors, they are also not Doctors or Pharmacists! Generally they are fucked up addicts who need money for drugs. More often than not they are greedy, desperate scumbags (who wouldn't shed a tear if you died). Don't trust 'em - they don't trust you!

2. Always take less of something until you find out what the stuff does to you.

3. Avoid 'graduating' to other more fucked up, severe drugs. One day of wandering through a junkie inhabited area will cure most anyone of the need for hard-core drugs. We know those who have gone that way, only about 10% live - 90% of the people we 'knew ' - who got truly addicted, are now rotting in coffins six feet under.

Okay, now that we have done our proper buzzkill - let's get on with the facts!

THE DRUGS (listed in no particular order)

POT (barely addictive)
Okay. We like pot. Do pot and only pot, and you will most likely be fine (unless you are chemically unusual from most of the population). Although lately the stuff is getting damn potent,so a little can cause you go into a utter mindless stupor. If you haven't guessed already we're pro smoking pot. I mean, who have you ever heard of who's died smoking pot? Alcohol can kill you but who has heard of someone dying from too much pot (unless you get some Vancouver thunderfuck hydro) some of that stuff is at the level of LSD! Yikes!

Anyway, the worst pot does to you is make you a bit dopey - and you eat a lot of twinkies. Also you won't want to work, or do much of anything. You'll be broke, but you won't be dead - which says a lot.

This stuff is still illegal for some truly stupid reason, and because of that, if you get hauled in by the cops don't tell them that 'the blur of insanity' people said it was okay to smoke dope. Even if that is ultimately what we are actually saying. We don't want any blame - for anything.

ALCOHOL (addictive in some cases - ask any drunk!)
Alcohol is fine but can cause horrendous hangovers and much barfing. There is also alcohol poisoning, etc. You probably aren't listening to this, and, well - neither are we.

Also alcohol kills tons of people either from liver damage or car crashes. Alcohol burns out your gut. Gets you into fights. Etc. Blah, blah, blah....

That doesn't mean we are against drinking - obviously we aren't. In fact we used to do boilermakers (a shot of whiskey dropped in a beer mug) almost every night of the week and survived it somehow. Moderation is the key, at least that is what we heard somewhere, plus it is important to have good hangover cures! Which, of course, we do.

Note: As you get older the hangovers get worse and worse. Just so you know.

LSD (not addictive - unless you are insane)
This stuff is amazingly powerful. It will absolutely blow your head off in small doses. You better make sure you are mentally stable before trying this. Cause if you aren't - you are in for one frightening ride!

We stopped doing this a while ago because we have real jobs now, and actually there would never be updates if we still took it. In fact we probably would be living in a tent in the Bahamas dressed in palm fronds if we still took it.


Okay, here are the facts. First - take as little of this as you can. Severe trips are VERY HARD TO GET OUT OF! It takes a minimum of an hour and a half to gauge how messed up you are. DO NOT listen to idiots who tell you that it only takes half and hour to tell if it's hitting you. They're wrong - and we know this from experience!

The best place to spend the trip is outside (unless it's too cold or too hot). Wandering through woods and fields can be pretty entertaining - actually staring at a dirt will be fascinating! Also, stay away from claustrophobic situations and people who aren't tripping. When you're fully 'yipping' your brains out you'll find you have nothing to say to straight people. Plus you'll probably get paranoid that they can tell you're fucked up (actually they can't tell at all - that is, unless you tell them - which you will - then they'll act weird towards you, and that will suck). Also we suggest strongly that you avoid tripping alone unless you really know what you are doing. It's much more fun to be with people who are also tripping and understand you. A weird thing that we noticed is that when you're tripping you can usually tell who else is tripping, and who isn't. Sort of like L.S.D.E.S.P. Odd but true.

PEYOTE (not addictive - as far as we could tell)
Tastes gross and you have to puke to get off properly. We didn't know that - a big mistake. Also you may need to clean out the strychnine (a powerful poison) that can be on the peyote bud. Provides a pretty weird trip. We've heard stories of people giving away all their money at a hot dog stand because they no longer believed in the concept of money.

Actually that was us.

'SHROOMS (not addictive)
Not as severe as acid but still in the 'handle with care' area. Usually a much calmer trip. Rik's tip: By altering your breathing rate you can control the visuals.

Light patterns look great. Start small with this and you can have a good time. Also not good for those with psychological issues.

COKE (addictive after time)
In our opinion a big waste of money. High is too short lived, and for some people it is very addictive. You want more and more, and more, and more and more and more. Also turns you into a dick with stupid ideas. You will think you're a genius while your friends will think you're an asshole. Usually you end up alone in a bathroom stall talking a mile a minute, pompously excluding people from doing it with you.

Can make skiing lots of fun. Unless, of course, your heart explodes and you die on the slopes.

CRACK / FREEBASE (extremely addictive - avoid)
Coke times ten! Freebase is similar, but doing freebase/crack makes you into a hard core, scary drug person. The people who do this a lot are frightening. It smells like you are smoking burnt plastic. And preparing freebase gives you a very depressing 'hard-core' 'I'm a drug addict' loser feeling. It's pathetic.

The best example is from a friend who gave up all coke based substances after trying it. His words are as follows. "It was an incredible coke rush that lasted about five minutes. The thing that scared me was that right after doing crack, all I wanted in the world - was to do more crack!"

We think that says it all.

QAT/KHAT [pronounced cot] (addictive)
This is a fairly new one. It's a lot like meth, in that it's usually cooked by someone in their basement from household chemicals. It comes in smokeable crystal form, or snortable powder form. It's a strange homemade version of coke. It is usually made from ephedrine (or pseudoephedrine) and other chemicals. It burns like a bastard if you snort it, and it doesn't do as much as coke or speed. Our opinion- there are better drugs out there for your money. Also, the unknown aspect of this is a little frightening, we like to know what's in anything we put in our bodies.

The plant that this is derived from (of the same name) is from the middle east. It's the stuff that they pack into their cheeks like chewing tobacco. When chewed, it gives a mild stimulant effect, like chewing coca leaves. This is not easy to get in the US, as it has to be fairly fresh to have any of the stimulant properties that it's known for. It's possible to find this in major cities in shops and restaurants that cater to middle-eastern clients.

SPEED/Crystal Meth/Methamphetamine (for some - extremely addictive)
Make sure you're healthy before trying this. Not for the faint of heart. This is a wild ride and your friends will think you're nuts while on this. You will 'up' be up at least eighteen hours - followed by a pretty hard crash & burn. We used to paint murals on our dorm room walls while on this, and we always felt we'd lost five years of our lives after we came down. Some people don't accept only eighteen hours of this feeling - but go for days, babbling like a chimp. Occasionally fun, unless you are the 'staying up for days and days' type of person. And it can be scary. You will start hallucinating demons and bats after day three (or maybe they aren't hallucinations!). Eventually you cannot function without it. And then, you are fucked.

SPECIAL! Also in this category: STUDY DRUGS
These are prescription speed for hyperactive kids, such as Ritalin and Adderall. They are great for getting work done last minute if you need to stay up all night studying. They keep you focused and awake for as long as you want. However, people who rely on study aids too much can find it impossible to do anything without them. Exercise caution no to become too reliant on them.

ECSTASY or 'X' or MDMA (can become addictive)
This is interesting stuff. You like (or love) everyone. This one is associated with Raves. Note: drink a lot of water. There are about 3 different versions of this - most of the time what you get isn't X at all. The real thing gets you up in a calm way. Also makes your vision weird, it can feel like your eyes are wobbling around in their sockets. Many will say how safe this is. It is if you only take it once in a while. If you use it a lot it screws up the seratonin levels in your brain and can mess up any emotional stability you might have had. Those who do it a lot find they can't stop because they don't feel normal without it. Again. Moderation is key!

We hear a lot of crap about liver damage though. Not sure if this is true or false.

INHALANTS (brain damaging- loser maker)
Huffing is the intoxication of choice for 14 year old boneheads who don't know how to get real drugs. Anyone who thinks that breathing Pledge out of a paper bag or sniffing superglue is a good idea is obviously running low on brain cells in the first place. Huffing shit will not help this. If you want to become a vegetable, this is a good way to do it.

There is only one reason that anyone would have this stuff, and that's to knock out and take advantage of some Jr. High girl. We do NOT condone any rape drug (even for personal use). If you want to kill a lot of brain cells and lose large chunks of time, go for it, but there are easier and better ways to do it. If you want to drug and rape someone, you should be hung.

The penalty for possession of these drugs is (in most states) severe.

NITROUS (addictive)
This stuff is commonly referred to as Hippy Crack. You can usually buy balloons of nitrous at shows or hippy parties. It screws you up intensely for about 30 seconds, most of which you'll probably spend giggling. Then, you'll try to get more. Although the side effects aren't permanent or drastic from one or two balloons, if you do several (5 or more) in a night, you might not remember your phone number, or where you parked your car the next day - or your name. It makes you very flakey and fragmented. OK for occasional light use, but nothing more.

OPIUM (addictive when used often)
This is a good drug for occasional use. It's good to put a little Opium in the bowl with some weed, for when you want to get extra high. However, it's not really a good idea to smoke it by itself a lot. It is an opiate, and is addictive.

There are a lot of different kinds of opium. There are synthetics (such as white opium, redrocks and soapium) which pretty much suck. They taste kind of like opium, but they're not, and they don't really get you high. The good stuff is black tar. It's black or dark brown and gooey. It's harder to find than the fake stuff, but worth it when you can get it. A warning: This is not a good drug if you want to be social. It's very relaxing, and it will turn you into furniture.

KETAMINE (somewhat addictive - avoid!)
Watching someone do this stuff makes us want to stay away from it. This is a disassociative drug, which means it pulls your mind out of your body. This means that you get to watch yourself walk like a drunk and fall down the stairs - breaking every bone in your body - and think it's very, very funny. The fact that this was designed as an anesthetic for cats also makes us suspicious.

It's most usually snorted, but people also shoot it (see heroin for how we feel about needles).

HEROIN (extremely addictive - avoid - life destroyer)
Frankly we are not into the idea of sticking needles in ourselves to have fun. Although you can snort it, if it feels as good as people have told us then you'll probably be able to eventually rationalize why it's really okay to stick a needle in your arm. Also if you look at junkies you realize this stuff does not enhance your lifestyle. Junkies are, without a doubt - fucked! Any drug that feels light-years better than your normal life is a bad drug. No one is in dispute about how addictive it is. It is a fact. Avoid! Do not use it - ever! Like crack we don't want to find out that there's something so good we can't live without it. The problem is, you will eventually be without it, because you can't find a dealer, because you don't have money, or worse, because you are in jail - and then your life will be a complete and total hell beyond anything you are aware of. Withdrawal sucks, really, really bad too. This is a life destroyer.

Don't get addicted! We never got addicted. So why should you?

Why didn't we? Who knows! We just didn't! Also we avoided most stuff like heroin, crack, etc. And we found we didn't get much of an effect from coke (a lucky quirk of personal chemistry that saved us thousands of dollars!)

If you are still young, it will seem that most drug addicts lead 'exciting' lives. But with time (we aren't kids in case you haven't figured that out yet), you will find that this exciting life is short lived. We have watched drug addicted friends (including a girlfriend) over a ten year period. And the fact is, unless they can somehow quit (and most can't once they get a taste for it) they actually do end up sad, pathetic losers. You end up avoiding them on the street - it's pretty awful.

So even though someone you know seems very cool and fascinating now, rest assured, in a few years that cool coke/meth/heroin freak you know will be changing your oil and living in a sad, tiny apartment, eating cat food!

Our Final Recommendation: crack open a beer, spark up a blunt, eat some twinkies, get fat, and have a happy life.